Timing is everything

A year ago, I was sitting on the couch next to my husband, angry, frustrated, in pain, and exhausted. I was awake for almost 72 hours post-surgery. My Inner Victim had showed up in full swing, feeling so done with all events surrounding my life.

The magic of this is if my victim wasn't so done, if I wasn't so bored and needing a distraction from pain, if I didn't lose my job before this surgery, I might not have found Crystal. All the stars were aligning for me to reach my breaking point. I had to stop being comfortable in my misery to find my way.

Rewind to a few months prior, I had a spiritual awakening that my time of feeling completely disconnected and unhappy was up. I had an experience I still cannot put into words accurately but the mysticism of it is the sentence I remember so clearly. Thank you, Crystal, for our class this week. It brought back this memory for me!

It's time for you to be free.

Free from what? How? When? I don't know how to be any other way. What does this mean?

These were just some of the thoughts I had for another six months. I was desperately searching, doing, trying, not succeeding. Nothing was changing; I felt far from free I felt more stuck than ever. I was clinging on so tight in desperation for change that it blinded me from understanding and realizing that the timing was coming to me. That I had to be patient. A place of home was on its way.

The moment I found "Chat with Crystal" (the podcast), it started to click. Listening to call after call, I could feel my walls weakening. I understand all of this, I thought. I resonate with this work. This is what I need, what I have been searching for these past six months. THIS IS IT! This was my path to awaken my soul. Little did I know how much my life was about to change.

Now, this is where it's important to note. My life on the outside has not changed. Not in the ways I desire, not yet. It's not the time yet. But what did change is ME! The wholeness of who I am, my beauty that resides within, no longer hanging onto the beauty from the outside. My light has been seen, recognized, and validated. 

After my own "Chat with Crystal" conversation, I felt it in my whole being that I found the one that had the tools and capability to wake me up, to nudge me closer to who I needed to become. I had to remove my mask, one dialogue at a time. One archetype/shadow at a time. Loving every story, every part, every moment. My flaws and pain became less scary. Instead, they became celebrated when shared. I had to be safe to uncover my pain, my truth; I had to allow myself to be the most vulnerable I had ever been.

That was step one; step two was that I had to not only have the courage but the willingness to look deeper, to forgive bigger, and to love clearer. I had to accept all the moments that led me here. That was when I was able to look at myself in the mirror and welcome myself back.

I stared into my beautiful blue eyes and saw my soul clearer. "Welcome back," I said aloud, "you've been missed." And that is when my life began to feel less dark.

My outside circumstances did not change; the ones I love have not changed, and my scars did not disappear, but I changed. I feel and trust my life events and let all new situations wash in and out like the ocean and its waves. Hard times come and go, and so do happy times. It's the in-between, the standstill, that I found my gold!

So let me introduce to you my Real Self . . .

I am a woman who loves deeply and purely. I am my happiest when I follow my heart, the calmest when I am alone with my wholeness, and I light up the brightest when I help others. I am incredibly patient and have an awareness of timing that has served me along the way. I am devoted, merciful, and trustworthy. I am dynamic, courageous, powerful, persistent, and skilled. I am so much more than meets the eye and that makes me exactly who I am meant to be. I AM ALL OF ME!

—Catherine Hosein, Master Empowerment Coach Certified by the S.W.A.T. Institute